Tag Archives: donthatejustrelate

Why New years resolutions are probably the most belittling time of year.

“New year, new me” is probably a phrase you will hear too often, from people who evidently don’t learn from any mistakes or life lessons which they receive. I personally look at January in a completely different perspective, I see it as a time of reflection of my previous year; rather than wanting to be a completely different person than I was in the last.

I tend to focus on what happened that year, good or bad, and see how I reacted to each situation. I commend myself for my growth each year because that is the only way I can move onwards in my life. Each year is a gift, which many of us take for granted. Don’t focus on changing yourself, but rather changing some aspects of yourself.

What did I achieve?

2016 for me was probably the hardest year yet, certain family issues were fresh from 2015 as my Dad had walked out on me and my Mum in late December. Things were certainly hard, it was a whole new learning curve for me! I was living with my Mum, in a country which we had no-one- I was ultimately alone.

I had never had a good relationship with my Father, it hurt, him leaving but what hurt most was seeing my mum so down for so long. I felt responsible for it all, sometimes I still do. However, I would not change anything which happened. That year allowed my Mum to escape a very toxic relationship, and have a shot at happiness. I genuinely thought for years, that would be something she would never obtain.

As the year progressed, things perked up. Mum started smiling more, and things began looking up for me too. I had started my last two years at high school, I had great friends, a boyfriend which I adored and I wasn’t so alone anymore. It was still a tender subject to mention my Dad, but I was being introduced to a Mum I wasn’t used to, a happier one. This life seemed to be one I had desperately wanted since I was a child, there wasn’t a need to pretend to be happy anymore- I genuinely was.

Seven perfect months flew by, that was until we had to move from Australia. A place which I had grew to love unconditionally, a place which I had spent half of my life. Things felt worse, my world was ripped from beneath me. I am still learning how to cope with the change, adjusting to the country, making new friends, being away from the old ones and being away from my boyfriend, too.

I don’t have the support which I had so desperately leant on for the past eight months, so for me personally, 2017 will be one of progress.

I certainly don’t wish to be a new me, because, despite all of that, each heartbreak and lesson I endured allowed me to be the person I am today.

So please remember, each year you are blessed with is an accomplishment. Reflect on how far you’ve come, and plan to where you want to go. Don’t build yourself DOWN by focusing solely on your flaws, but build yourself UP by accepting them. Use them to encourage yourself throughout the new year and more importantly, use them to grow as a person.

Much love.

To first go forward, sometimes we must go back.

Coming to terms with something is a thing I don’t particularly struggle with, I take it in my stride (as much as possible). For me, if something happens which you can’t control, then there is literally nothing you can do but try and work a way around it. That is something which I do too much, I over plan things. I will have countless back up plans, for my back up plans. Which in turn, leads me to over analyse. Every. Single. Thing. 

Me to myself daily:

“Okay, if I leave two hours early, I will definitely be on time!”

“Check the change you have for the bus, bring extra money in case it is more” (even though it is the same price every day)

“If they don’t show, I will just go to this shop”

However, I know a lot of people are like me not only in that essence, but in the regard that: once something happens, it is never spoke of again. 

Which is genuinely the WORST thing to do- only now have I realised that. There are so many people, who would have experienced something similar, or at least a few who have experienced the feelings that you feel.

Personally, I feel that speaking about things allows you to achieve some sort of closure to the feelings that end up repressed inside ourselves. Let it all out, no thought or feeling should be enclosed within your mind. Otherwise, it will continue to eat away at you.

I should of realised it sooner, but it has took me a while to find my feet during my transition from Australia, back to my home town, England. I lived there basically half my life, so moving back felt like I was literally leaving half of my self behind in the process. 

I felt alienated. Not because people didn’t make me feel welcome, but because I genuinely didn’t recognise who I was anymore. I desperately craved normality, even now I still find myself wishing I had that.

People stopped mentioning Australia. People stopped mentioning the friends I grew so close to over the eight year period. Which to me, made it so much worse! It felt like I had imagined the whole eight years, that I had imagined the person I had worked so hard to be. Nothing is worst than being forced to move on from something which you adore so much, if that’s a loved one, a school or even a food which they stopped selling (missing the McDonald’s breakfast is always a hard one, too)

Whatever hardship, emotion or thought comes your way, which you feel is important: talk about it. Whether it be to me, a friend, a family member or even write yourself a letter. Repressing feelings is literally the worst thing I could of achieved, the only thing to come out of it is regret.

Just like an arrow, sometimes we have to be pulled back to shoot forward. You just have to enable yourself to do so. 

 

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The Great Depression.

My life is currently a literal binary opposition as the one listed above. But, it has driven me to the point where the only form of enjoyment I currently get out of life is writing, even then I barely have the energy to do that. Not because I am an athlete (I was! Not anymore), or even because I have a chronically busy schedule.

It is because I am going through an episode of depression! Lately, it has been extremely hard to actually learn that- it is nobodies fault: including my own.

So I thought maybe some others could relate with my cynical, sarcastic thoughts which whirl around my headspace 24/7.

It is extremely funny to be honest, how each and every person I speak to tries to humour me with a pathetic quote about life- which usually offers minimal comfort whatsoever. Yes I am sixteen.

I am aware I “haven’t lived yet”.

No, I don’t just “need to get out more”. 

It is literally like everyone thinks that life is MEANT to be kind to everyone, it isn’t. But again, that is okay.

Nobody sets out a plan for you, you are quite literally completely out of control of whatever happens to you. However, to be quite frank though- that doesn’t seem to bother me as much as people who genuinely believe that I can change what happens to me. I think it’s time people start to accept the fact, some people are going to be depressed. That is okay too, but what isn’t okay is telling people that they aren’t.

I am totally not saying: life is out of your control, so don’t bother.

What I am saying is that: no matter how much you plan, prepare or work for something- sometimes things won’t go your way. And accepting that is probably one of the hardest lessons I have been faced with.

The literal only thing I can control is my attitude, and lately that doesn’t seem to be going well at all.

I am a teenager. It is hard enough to control the raging hormones and constant mood swings I have tweaking my mood, without the constant atomic bombs life seems to be dropping at me lately.

I cannot tell you the amount of times I disgust myself, crying that life is unfair while there are many people SO much worse off than I am. But I can’t help it. I wish I could, honestly. This world is full of people who need help so desperately, but lately my mood seems to plummet- which isn’t much help for anyone is it?

So I figured maybe there are people who can relate to me, my feelings and my thoughts. And just maybe there are people who can benefit from them.

I am going to let you have an insight to my journey- all of it: the past, the present, the hopes for the future and each milestone I achieve (however small). Not only to help myself, but to give some hope for others too.

Teenage years are the most bittersweet years you will ever experience, they help shape you into the person you are today and most importantly: the person you will be. 

So here it is. My blog.