All posts by The flower that blooms in adversity is not always the rarest and most beautiful of all.

Why is the world just one big problem to solve?

I cannot begin to tell you the endless amount of problems I seem to make for myself lately. Which as a result, seems to send my mood in a sky rocketing downfall. But sometimes, I am not entirely to blame. Shall I tell you why?

Things which happen in my day-to-day lifestyle, tend to make me quite upset. Today for example, was probably one of the most upsetting days for me and  for once it wasn’t me which had caused it.

I began to notice what type of world we live in.

I see it everyday, it is just some days I chose to ignore it. Doesn’t everyone?

The endless amount of people, so engrossed into their own lives (including myself).  Mothers and fathers  who are too busy on their phones to notice their children exploring and finding themselves. Men and women constantly oppressing each other, and setting stereotypes for the other to follow. Just today, whilst I was working- a man had asked me to explain to a young boy, no older than six, why flavoured lip balm was for girls. I simply couldn’t do it. I couldn’t look the boy in the eyes and tell him that he couldn’t get something his sister was getting simply because it was a belief that he couldn’t.

Why do we do that as a society? We ask children what they want to be when they grow up, but we set them rules and standards which they have to adhere to. This wasnt lip gloss, or lipstick it was lip balm. A coca-cola flavoured lip balm. But, so what if it was? At age 6 the mind is so open. He just wanted to be included with his sister.

Gender equality is just the tip of the iceberg of problems which we are choosing to ignore. Racial discrimination, environmental issues, wars and the list could continue to go on and on.

What bothers me is that when did it become so normal to be so self indulged? For once, I’d like to hear something good. Maybe it’s me just focusing on the negatives, but I just see a world where children are wishing their childhoods away, wanting to grow up without realising that experiencing childhood is what makes you do exactly that. Maybe they do so because they have parents which are too controlling or neglectful forcing them to grow up way earlier before their time.Or just maybe they actually have a perfect family, but society tells them they aren’t perfect. I see a world where women and men still aren’t equal in society, and people chose to view a feminist as a misandrist or misogynist. I see a world where even still, people are frowned upon because of their ethnicity or class. I see a world where countless numbers of animal species are becoming extinct and global warming is taking its toll but then I also see people who are still choosing to be blissfully ignorant to all the above. I see a world that will not last much longer as we are fuelling is with hatred rather than compassion and love.

So sometimes when people tell me:

“You control your own happiness!”

Just know that is truly not the case. I am one of those people, I think we all are or have been at some point. The first step is noticing that there are changes to be made.

Why are romantic relationships all everyone ever talks about?

It hit me the other day. Sitting down on a bench, eating my lunch on my break- watching the endless crowds of people rush by. Everyone is always so emersed in their own worlds.

Everywhere I looked, the focus was on love. Couples holding hands, kissing, hugging, buying gifts for each other. Then again, it was the month of Valentines.

But why is the focus always on romantic relationships and encounters?

Even the single people complain about not having romance during February- but there are so many things which are so important for you to have in your life. Don’t get me wrong, being in a relationship gives you a great sense of fulfilment. But to give everything to a relationship- you need to be in a sound state of mind.

And I can tell you if you are missing the following- it is almost impossible to achieve.

Support: Support is key from EVERY angle. Work, education, family life, friend circle or wherever can provide it. Without support, we can almost certainly become extremely isolated- not only physically with others, but with oneself.

Family: It is how families are supposed to naturally work, there is a person whoever that may be a mother, father, sibling or even grandparents who should be able to give you some sort of influence in your life. A family is a big part of how we grow as a person, without it can seriously affect your emotional well-being. If there are any current issues in your family life, however big or small, think long and hard about it. Holding hatred is so much more work than accepting love.

Social life: This is essential. I cannot express this enough. Sometimes to go forward in social scenarios, we must put ourselves out there, for me that is so hard. Exposing my true self, makes me feel so vulnerable! But the more I do it, the easier it gets.

Physical exercise: Is something I am seriously lacking, due to a current lack of motivation. But it is a great time to clear your head and release endorphins which literally make you feel refreshed afterwards. Start small, 15 minutes and work yourself up.

Goals and aspirations: Set the tiniest of goals to give yourself some self-pride! However small they are, they eventually lead to bigger goals. Any step forward is progress.

Direction: Question yourself. Where do you want to be in a year? 2 years? 5 years? You have the power to change your life, the only person stopping yourself from changing is yourself.

 

Why New years resolutions are probably the most belittling time of year.

“New year, new me” is probably a phrase you will hear too often, from people who evidently don’t learn from any mistakes or life lessons which they receive. I personally look at January in a completely different perspective, I see it as a time of reflection of my previous year; rather than wanting to be a completely different person than I was in the last.

I tend to focus on what happened that year, good or bad, and see how I reacted to each situation. I commend myself for my growth each year because that is the only way I can move onwards in my life. Each year is a gift, which many of us take for granted. Don’t focus on changing yourself, but rather changing some aspects of yourself.

What did I achieve?

2016 for me was probably the hardest year yet, certain family issues were fresh from 2015 as my Dad had walked out on me and my Mum in late December. Things were certainly hard, it was a whole new learning curve for me! I was living with my Mum, in a country which we had no-one- I was ultimately alone.

I had never had a good relationship with my Father, it hurt, him leaving but what hurt most was seeing my mum so down for so long. I felt responsible for it all, sometimes I still do. However, I would not change anything which happened. That year allowed my Mum to escape a very toxic relationship, and have a shot at happiness. I genuinely thought for years, that would be something she would never obtain.

As the year progressed, things perked up. Mum started smiling more, and things began looking up for me too. I had started my last two years at high school, I had great friends, a boyfriend which I adored and I wasn’t so alone anymore. It was still a tender subject to mention my Dad, but I was being introduced to a Mum I wasn’t used to, a happier one. This life seemed to be one I had desperately wanted since I was a child, there wasn’t a need to pretend to be happy anymore- I genuinely was.

Seven perfect months flew by, that was until we had to move from Australia. A place which I had grew to love unconditionally, a place which I had spent half of my life. Things felt worse, my world was ripped from beneath me. I am still learning how to cope with the change, adjusting to the country, making new friends, being away from the old ones and being away from my boyfriend, too.

I don’t have the support which I had so desperately leant on for the past eight months, so for me personally, 2017 will be one of progress.

I certainly don’t wish to be a new me, because, despite all of that, each heartbreak and lesson I endured allowed me to be the person I am today.

So please remember, each year you are blessed with is an accomplishment. Reflect on how far you’ve come, and plan to where you want to go. Don’t build yourself DOWN by focusing solely on your flaws, but build yourself UP by accepting them. Use them to encourage yourself throughout the new year and more importantly, use them to grow as a person.

Much love.

Why everyone who doesn’t love Christmas, isn’t a scrooge.

With it literally being 4 days until christmas, I think this is probably something which so desperately needs to be addressed.

Christmas is a time of togetherness, it is a time when families come together.

However, sometimes people don’t have a solidified family,  a place to sleep, food to eat or a sound state of mind to enjoy Christmas like everyone else. Sometimes, Christmas is a reminder to a lot of people: what they have lost, or what they don’t have.

That doesn’t mean that those people cannot enjoy Christmas all the same, it just means that you shouldn’t expect these people to be on your level of happy purely because it is Christmas. Many, many, many people have different opinions to how Christmas should be, and that is perfectly fine.

Just please take into consideration, that for some people Christmas is shadowed with immense feelings of grief.

Please be grateful for the Christmas you have, however big or small. I promise you, there are so many people worse off than you on christmas day.

My mind turns to war torn countries, soldiers who are away from their families, families who have recently experienced a loss or just someone who is currently experiencing a bad episode.

Whatever you gift this Christmas, whether that be money, toys etc,  PLEASE pass along love and prosperity to those who need it most and gratitude to those who may already have everything else. 

I wish everyone the best for the festive season, and that you have the happiest new year possible.

 

Time, probably the most bittersweet thing in existence.

Lately, a sudden realisation of the importance of time dawned on me. There isn’t enough of it, yet there is too much of it?

Let me explain.

So many people around me complain that there isn’t enough hours in the day, but also those same people complain to me that they want something to happen sooner. I get the differences in these situations, but something which really baffled me was that this is a serious contradictory statement. How can you want more presence of time, yet also want less of it? I am sure we are all guilty of it, but there are a few things to consider.

  1. Everyone is always busy at some point. People will always have certain tasks to do, plans to attend, obligations which take up some of their time. HOWEVER: I guarantee you that nobody has every minute of everyday scheduled for. Sometimes, to enjoy life- we mustn’t plan the things which aren’t needed to. So if you are guilty at over planning (like I am) take a step back sometimes, go with the flow. I assure you, you will find so much more happiness in the presence of time this way.
  2. Don’t accept the fact that as humans, we can’t make time too. This is SO important. I see it everyday, relationships, families and friendships which are being neglected because one or both people are too busy to make time for each other. Sometimes, people genuinely can’t make time for you because they are having a busy week. Respect that, don’t overreact because someone doesn’t have the time, just re-arrange for another date. HOWEVER- if you find yourself constantly rearranging, find somewhere else to invest your time, too.
  3. Finally, appreciate the importance of time- because we will never get more of it. Time is constantly running out, so it is your job to find the good and purity in each moment. Don’t let a bad 30 seconds of your hour ruin the other 23 hours which are within a day. Don’t let a bad day ruin the other six which are within a week. Don’t let a bad month ruin your year. Most importantly: don’t let a bad year ruin your outlook on life. 

I so desperately wish I could of made more use of the past months that I have experienced, but I also appreciate the fact that those months have helped me grow and develop in ways I am not aware of yet.

The only thing I can do now is take things day by day, because after all- each day is different than the next. 

To first go forward, sometimes we must go back.

Coming to terms with something is a thing I don’t particularly struggle with, I take it in my stride (as much as possible). For me, if something happens which you can’t control, then there is literally nothing you can do but try and work a way around it. That is something which I do too much, I over plan things. I will have countless back up plans, for my back up plans. Which in turn, leads me to over analyse. Every. Single. Thing. 

Me to myself daily:

“Okay, if I leave two hours early, I will definitely be on time!”

“Check the change you have for the bus, bring extra money in case it is more” (even though it is the same price every day)

“If they don’t show, I will just go to this shop”

However, I know a lot of people are like me not only in that essence, but in the regard that: once something happens, it is never spoke of again. 

Which is genuinely the WORST thing to do- only now have I realised that. There are so many people, who would have experienced something similar, or at least a few who have experienced the feelings that you feel.

Personally, I feel that speaking about things allows you to achieve some sort of closure to the feelings that end up repressed inside ourselves. Let it all out, no thought or feeling should be enclosed within your mind. Otherwise, it will continue to eat away at you.

I should of realised it sooner, but it has took me a while to find my feet during my transition from Australia, back to my home town, England. I lived there basically half my life, so moving back felt like I was literally leaving half of my self behind in the process. 

I felt alienated. Not because people didn’t make me feel welcome, but because I genuinely didn’t recognise who I was anymore. I desperately craved normality, even now I still find myself wishing I had that.

People stopped mentioning Australia. People stopped mentioning the friends I grew so close to over the eight year period. Which to me, made it so much worse! It felt like I had imagined the whole eight years, that I had imagined the person I had worked so hard to be. Nothing is worst than being forced to move on from something which you adore so much, if that’s a loved one, a school or even a food which they stopped selling (missing the McDonald’s breakfast is always a hard one, too)

Whatever hardship, emotion or thought comes your way, which you feel is important: talk about it. Whether it be to me, a friend, a family member or even write yourself a letter. Repressing feelings is literally the worst thing I could of achieved, the only thing to come out of it is regret.

Just like an arrow, sometimes we have to be pulled back to shoot forward. You just have to enable yourself to do so. 

 

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The Great Depression.

My life is currently a literal binary opposition as the one listed above. But, it has driven me to the point where the only form of enjoyment I currently get out of life is writing, even then I barely have the energy to do that. Not because I am an athlete (I was! Not anymore), or even because I have a chronically busy schedule.

It is because I am going through an episode of depression! Lately, it has been extremely hard to actually learn that- it is nobodies fault: including my own.

So I thought maybe some others could relate with my cynical, sarcastic thoughts which whirl around my headspace 24/7.

It is extremely funny to be honest, how each and every person I speak to tries to humour me with a pathetic quote about life- which usually offers minimal comfort whatsoever. Yes I am sixteen.

I am aware I “haven’t lived yet”.

No, I don’t just “need to get out more”. 

It is literally like everyone thinks that life is MEANT to be kind to everyone, it isn’t. But again, that is okay.

Nobody sets out a plan for you, you are quite literally completely out of control of whatever happens to you. However, to be quite frank though- that doesn’t seem to bother me as much as people who genuinely believe that I can change what happens to me. I think it’s time people start to accept the fact, some people are going to be depressed. That is okay too, but what isn’t okay is telling people that they aren’t.

I am totally not saying: life is out of your control, so don’t bother.

What I am saying is that: no matter how much you plan, prepare or work for something- sometimes things won’t go your way. And accepting that is probably one of the hardest lessons I have been faced with.

The literal only thing I can control is my attitude, and lately that doesn’t seem to be going well at all.

I am a teenager. It is hard enough to control the raging hormones and constant mood swings I have tweaking my mood, without the constant atomic bombs life seems to be dropping at me lately.

I cannot tell you the amount of times I disgust myself, crying that life is unfair while there are many people SO much worse off than I am. But I can’t help it. I wish I could, honestly. This world is full of people who need help so desperately, but lately my mood seems to plummet- which isn’t much help for anyone is it?

So I figured maybe there are people who can relate to me, my feelings and my thoughts. And just maybe there are people who can benefit from them.

I am going to let you have an insight to my journey- all of it: the past, the present, the hopes for the future and each milestone I achieve (however small). Not only to help myself, but to give some hope for others too.

Teenage years are the most bittersweet years you will ever experience, they help shape you into the person you are today and most importantly: the person you will be. 

So here it is. My blog.