To first go forward, sometimes we must go back.

Coming to terms with something is a thing I don’t particularly struggle with, I take it in my stride (as much as possible). For me, if something happens which you can’t control, then there is literally nothing you can do but try and work a way around it. That is something which I do too much, I over plan things. I will have countless back up plans, for my back up plans. Which in turn, leads me to over analyse. Every. Single. Thing. 

Me to myself daily:

“Okay, if I leave two hours early, I will definitely be on time!”

“Check the change you have for the bus, bring extra money in case it is more” (even though it is the same price every day)

“If they don’t show, I will just go to this shop”

However, I know a lot of people are like me not only in that essence, but in the regard that: once something happens, it is never spoke of again. 

Which is genuinely the WORST thing to do- only now have I realised that. There are so many people, who would have experienced something similar, or at least a few who have experienced the feelings that you feel.

Personally, I feel that speaking about things allows you to achieve some sort of closure to the feelings that end up repressed inside ourselves. Let it all out, no thought or feeling should be enclosed within your mind. Otherwise, it will continue to eat away at you.

I should of realised it sooner, but it has took me a while to find my feet during my transition from Australia, back to my home town, England. I lived there basically half my life, so moving back felt like I was literally leaving half of my self behind in the process. 

I felt alienated. Not because people didn’t make me feel welcome, but because I genuinely didn’t recognise who I was anymore. I desperately craved normality, even now I still find myself wishing I had that.

People stopped mentioning Australia. People stopped mentioning the friends I grew so close to over the eight year period. Which to me, made it so much worse! It felt like I had imagined the whole eight years, that I had imagined the person I had worked so hard to be. Nothing is worst than being forced to move on from something which you adore so much, if that’s a loved one, a school or even a food which they stopped selling (missing the McDonald’s breakfast is always a hard one, too)

Whatever hardship, emotion or thought comes your way, which you feel is important: talk about it. Whether it be to me, a friend, a family member or even write yourself a letter. Repressing feelings is literally the worst thing I could of achieved, the only thing to come out of it is regret.

Just like an arrow, sometimes we have to be pulled back to shoot forward. You just have to enable yourself to do so. 

 

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