My life is currently a literal binary opposition as the one listed above. But, it has driven me to the point where the only form of enjoyment I currently get out of life is writing, even then I barely have the energy to do that. Not because I am an athlete (I was! Not anymore), or even because I have a chronically busy schedule.
It is because I am going through an episode of depression! Lately, it has been extremely hard to actually learn that- it is nobodies fault: including my own.
So I thought maybe some others could relate with my cynical, sarcastic thoughts which whirl around my headspace 24/7.
It is extremely funny to be honest, how each and every person I speak to tries to humour me with a pathetic quote about life- which usually offers minimal comfort whatsoever. Yes I am sixteen.
I am aware I “haven’t lived yet”.
No, I don’t just “need to get out more”.
It is literally like everyone thinks that life is MEANT to be kind to everyone, it isn’t. But again, that is okay.
Nobody sets out a plan for you, you are quite literally completely out of control of whatever happens to you. However, to be quite frank though- that doesn’t seem to bother me as much as people who genuinely believe that I can change what happens to me. I think it’s time people start to accept the fact, some people are going to be depressed. That is okay too, but what isn’t okay is telling people that they aren’t.
I am totally not saying: life is out of your control, so don’t bother.
What I am saying is that: no matter how much you plan, prepare or work for something- sometimes things won’t go your way. And accepting that is probably one of the hardest lessons I have been faced with.
The literal only thing I can control is my attitude, and lately that doesn’t seem to be going well at all.
I am a teenager. It is hard enough to control the raging hormones and constant mood swings I have tweaking my mood, without the constant atomic bombs life seems to be dropping at me lately.
I cannot tell you the amount of times I disgust myself, crying that life is unfair while there are many people SO much worse off than I am. But I can’t help it. I wish I could, honestly. This world is full of people who need help so desperately, but lately my mood seems to plummet- which isn’t much help for anyone is it?
So I figured maybe there are people who can relate to me, my feelings and my thoughts. And just maybe there are people who can benefit from them.
I am going to let you have an insight to my journey- all of it: the past, the present, the hopes for the future and each milestone I achieve (however small). Not only to help myself, but to give some hope for others too.
Teenage years are the most bittersweet years you will ever experience, they help shape you into the person you are today and most importantly: the person you will be.
So here it is. My blog.